All NACDA Members
Effective Leadership in the Brave New World
(Tuesday, June 17, 8:30 - 9:15 a.m.)
Good morning. I would like to begin today's session. I hope you enjoyed yesterday's session. We have another outstanding day planned for you today. Before we get started, I would like to remind you to please visit the exhibitors. We will have the big drawing tonight at the reception. Thank you for your wonderful attention yesterday and I think you will enjoy today, as well.
At this time, I would like to bring up Jim Livengood, the director of athletics at the University of Arizona and NACDA's third vice president to introduce this morning's speaker. Jim.
Barbara, thank you. In your program, it has that Gene Smith from Iowa State will introduce our speaker. I'm not Gene Smith. Some of you know that as you look up here, but I just want to make sure you don't confuse that.
We were with Hyrum Smith last night at dinner and had a wonderful time talking about his life and helping people and those kind of things. I asked him how he wanted to be introduced. He said, "Jim, the worse thing you could ever do is make it too long. Just make it very simple and short." I had suggested that we go to a concept of, "here's Hyrum." We're not going to do that.
In 1984, Hyrum Smith founded the Franklin Institute. Since 1984, Franklin has been trained in time management and personal values over 30,000 people per month. If you've not been involved in the Franklin planning or any part of that plan, you need to. It's an unbelievable company led by an outstanding man. We feel fortunate to have him with us today. I think everybody here will leave with a better feeling about whom they are, where they are and where you're going. So, please give a warm NACDA welcome to Hyrum Smith.
Good morning. Ladies and gentlemen, I am really excited to be here. This is one of my favorite cities. It's only one hour and 45 minutes from where I stand to my ranch in southern Utah. I am going to do in 45 minutes this morning what normally takes two hours. I'm going to move really fast. How many of you have ever heard of the Franklin Planner? You might be interested to know that the Franklin Planner is now being referred to in Utah as the only true book. That's a joke.
This has been a fun thing to be part of. We started this crazy thing in my basement 14 years ago. There were three of us and we had an idea. We can help people get better control of their lives. We created this seminar and had to have an implementation device to put with the seminar, so we created the Franklin Day Planner. It's been a pretty exciting thing. There are five million people now that use the Franklin Planner all over the world. We're shipping them to 170 countries. It's been neat to be part of this.
About six years ago, many of our corporate clients started to come back to me and say, "You know, Hyrum, we love the time management piece. We've had a major cultural change at our firm." At Dow Chemical, for example, we trained 32,000 people. We did a study about seven years ago wanting to know what the impact had been. The average increase in productivity at Dow Chemical was 27 percent. I have no idea how they measured that. They probably sent a memo out and asked, are you more productive yet? The fact is, they believe it and that's what's important.
They started coming back and wanted to know what else does Franklin teach. My response to that, up to about five years ago, was, we don't teach anything else, we teach time management and we think we're pretty good at that. When I discovered they would pay for something else, we decided to find something else. I'm going to share with you this morning just part of that something else.
You have a sheet of paper in front of you this morning. Please put that in front of you. I have filled this in. Normally, I would have you write the stuff that is there today, but we don't have time for that this morning, so I'm going to walk you through this quickly. I'm going to be bold enough to suggest that if you'll commit to memory what is written on this sheet today, the impact this will have on your decision-making process, personally, vocationally and professionally will be electric. That's a very bold statement to make before I've said anything. I've had the opportunity to share this idea with hundreds of corporations. I am very confident of what the information on this sheet can do if you just think about it for about 36 hours.
Will you go to the top of the page? There is a definition for the word "addiction." This is not a class on addiction. Why I have you look at this will be very evident in a few moments. This is not a dictionary definition. This is my definition. I had to have one that was simple and I could understand. Addiction is compulsive behavior with short-term benefits and long-term destruction. The minute I say addiction, people start thinking about drugs and alcohol. Those are only two of many different kinds of addictive behaviors. Do not limit this idea just to drugs and alcohol.
Drop down to the model. We became obsessed at Franklin, a number of years ago, with the answer to the question, "what is it that causes permanent behavioral change?" As we asked ourselves that question, the model I'm going to ask you to become familiar with this morning surfaced in our brains. We call it the Reality Model. If you'll commit this model to memory, ladies and gentlemen, it will keep you up for about three days. Are you excited?
We'll start with the wheel on the left-hand side. Notice that the wheel has been labeled, "human needs." Notice that the circle has been quadrified. Quadrified is my word. There are four basic human needs we all have. They are listed there, to live, to love, feel important and variety. Whether you think you've got these needs or not, you've got them. Psychologists have done all kinds of studies and found we all have these four needs.
Right next to the circle, you'll notice it's labeled at the top, "belief window." Inside of that square, you'll notice the word "principles." Understand that as each of you sit here today, you have what I like to call, a belief window. It's about this big. It sits in front of your face. A wire comes from the back of your head, across the top, hooks onto that window. Every time you move, it goes with you. You look out into the world through this window. You accept information from the world in through this window. On this window, you have placed thousands of principles that you have accepted as correct principles.
The minute I say principles, a lot of people start thinking about heavy duty religious stuff. That's probably there and that's okay. But, there are thousands of little tiny principles as well. We put principles on our belief windows because we believe they'll help satisfy those four needs. The number of principles you have on your belief window is a function of your age. Are you excited? The older you are, the more you have. That's how it works.
Now, I'm going to give you a principle you might have on your belief window. You give me which of the four needs would drive a principle like this. Here is a principle. All Doberman pinchers are vicious. Which of the four needs? A right to live. We have a need to live so we put a principle on our belief window, all Doberman pinchers are vicious. We believe that.
Come to the third piece of the model. Above the third piece, notice that it's labeled with the word, "rules." Inside, you'll see two little words, "if" and "then." Here's how it works. The minute you put a principle on your belief window, you immediately start to create "rules" that will govern your behavior based on the principle on your belief window. We call these, "if-then" rules. Here's how it works. We have a principle on our belief window. All Doberman pinchers are vicious. If that's true then, this goes on behind your eyes. Nobody tells you to do this. This is automatic. If that's a correct principle, then when I go into somebody's yard and there's a Doberman pincher, what will I do? I'll run. I'll do the same thing every single time.
Understand this fact. The first three pieces of this model are all invisible. You can't see it. No one else can see it, but it's going on every second you breath. I come to the fourth piece of the model. It's labeled with the words "behavior patterns." Inside of that square you'll see the word "action." This is when we start to function. We move. We get out of bed in the morning. Go back to that same principle. All Doberman pinchers are vicious. If that's true, then you set up your "rules." Rules are automatic. You go into somebody's yard. There's a big dog. What behavior pattern will you see. You'll run. You'll do the same thing every time.
I'm going to give you another principle. I want you to ask yourself this question. Do I know anyone with that principle on their belief window? I'll give you a principle and you give me the need driving this principle. Let's take it through the model to this point. Here is a principle. My self worth is dependent upon my possessions. Do you know anybody that has that principle on their belief window? Which of the four needs, folks? Feel important, for sure. Anything else?
A couple of things might be driving this. Let's pretend I have a second principle on my belief window and the second principle is, European possessions are better. I have two principles on my belief window. My self worth is dependent on my stuff and European stuff is better. Take that through the model. If that's true, then I set up my rules. Rules are automatic. It's now time for me to buy a car. What kind of car will I drive? What kind of clothes will I wear? Where will my wife come from? That's a joke. This guy comes into his kitchen on a Sunday and his wife's fixing a wonderful meal. He notices she pulls from the oven a beautifully cooked ham. The ends of the ham have been removed. He's bothered by that and asks her why she cut the ends off the ham. She answered that it makes it taste better. "How do you know that?" "My mother told me that." In this woman's belief window is the principle, cutting the ends off the ham makes it taste better. We know that's on her belief window because that's what she's doing. Are you with me?
He was bugged by that. The next Sunday, he was at the in-law's house for dinner. He took his mother-in-law aside and said, "I understand that you cut the ends off your ham." "I do." "Why do you do that?" "It makes it taste better." "How do you know that?" "My mother told me that." Two generations of women now have the principle on their belief window that cutting the ends off the ham makes the ham taste better. He was really bugged by that. The grandmother was still alive and living in Waco, Texas. He called her on the phone long distance. "I understand that you cut the ends off your ham." "Yes." "Why do you do that?" "It won't fit in the oven if I don't." Two generations later, that puts down on a belief window, cut the ends off the ham and it tastes better.
I'm going to give you another principle now and you give me the need. Let's take it through the model to this point. Here is a principle. My self worth is dependent on never losing an argument. Do you know anybody that has that principle on their belief window? I was in Salt Lake City a few years ago. I shared this with 400 couples. I used this example. Every woman in the room did this. Let's say this is Rondo Fehlberg's window. My self worth is never losing an argument. Which of the four needs would drive that, folks? Survival gets mixed up in this one. If that's true then, Rondo sets up his rules. He now gets in an argument with his 15 year-old son. What behavior pattern will we see from Rondo? Death to the son. He'll win every single time.
I come to the last piece of the model. The last piece is labeled "results." Notice now, that a line has been dropped from the bottom of the results box down underneath the model and it hooks into the needs wheel. It is labeled with the word, "feedback." I am now going to ask you to think about the first two natural laws. Ladies and gentlemen, if you will commit these seven natural laws to memory, the impact these laws have will be electric. Look at the first law. "If the results of your behavior do not meet your needs, there is an incorrect principle on your belief window." Second natural law, "results take time to measure." Let's go back to Rondo. He's got the principle on his belief window, my self worth is dependent upon never losing an argument. If that's true, then he sets up his rules. Rules are automatic. He gets into an argument with his son. What behavior will we see? He'll win every single time. Now, we've got to ask this question. Will the results of Rondo's behavior meet his needs over time? Yes or no? If the answer is no, what does that mean about his belief window? He's got a bad principle on his belief window.
I'm going to give you another principle. You'll relate to this one. Give me the need and let's take it all the way through the model. Here is a principle. My self worth is dependant on never losing at games. Do you know anybody who has that principle on their belief window? Let's pretend I have that principle on my belief window. My self worth is dependent upon never losing at games. Which of the four needs, folks? Self esteem for sure. Anything else? Yes, a couple of things might be driving this one. If that's true then, I'm not okay unless I always win. I get in a game with someone and I start to lose. What behavior pattern will you see from me? I'll cheat. I'll do everything in my power to win. Now, we have to ask the question, will the results of my behavior meet my needs over time? Yes or no? If the answer is no, what does that mean about my belief window? I've got a bad principle on my belief window.
I'm going to lay a heavy one on you now. I want to address the men in the room. I want the women to listen very carefully. I'm going to give the men a principle you might have on your belief window. I want the women to give me the need driving this principle. Here is the principle. Men are better than women. Do any men have that principle on their belief window? Do any women have that principle on their belief window? Ladies, which of the four needs would drive a principle like that? Survival?
Maybe all of them would have something to do with this one. Are there any married couples here? Okay, Dean and Leslie. Let's pretend Dean has that principle on his belief window. Men are better than women. That translates into lots of other principles like, men are better managers than women, men are better athletic directors than women. Of course, we know that because women's brains are smaller than men's. There's no way they can compete. Do you know that was a belief in this country until 50 years ago? Benjamin Franklin took the side on a debate that we must not educate women in this country. Their brains are smaller than men's. If we educate them, we'll fry their brains. There are hamlets in Utah that still believe that. That's a joke. Don't quote me on that.
Dean has a principle on his belief window, men are better than women. If that's true, then Dean sets up his rules. Rules are automatic. On a Saturday morning, Leslie says, "Dean, I've got a lot of errands to run today. Would you mind vacuuming the house while I'm gone? What behavior pattern will we see from Dean? I don't do that. That's women's work. I don't do that. Now, we've got to ask the question, will the results of Dean's behavior meet his needs over time - three marriages later. Probably not. So, what do we know about his belief window? He's got a bad principle on his belief window. Now, Dean discovers he's got a bad principle on his belief window.
By the way, where do we get principles on our belief windows? Where do they come from? They start when we're pretty small. If a little girl in our society acts like a little boy, what do we call her? Is that okay or not okay in our culture? It's okay. If a little boy acts like a little girl, what do we call him? What's the nicest thing we call him? That's not okay. A ten-year-old boy goes into a garage on a Saturday morning fooling around, doing what kids do. He accidentally tips a box off a shelf, lands on his foot, smashes three toes, bleeds all over the floor and he starts to cry. Dad comes into the garage. What does dad say to that little boy? "Don't cry. Men don't cry." "This hurts. I'd like to cry. Why can't I cry, Dad?" Dad says, "Because men don't cry."
If you want an interesting experience, go see the movie E.T. at a theater. Stand at the door at the end and watch the men walk out. They're all bleeding from the mouth. Why? They've been chewing their gums trying not to cry. It isn't macho to cry. Only women cry.
They've done a very interesting study on the chemical composition of tears. One day, I'm going to find out who "they" are. "They" do some great studies. They have discovered the tears expunged over an onion differ chemically than tears expunged in anguish. We apparently get rid of some ugly toxins from our bodies when we cry. We don't allow men that privilege in our culture. Men don't cry. In the Oriental culture, it's considered a strength for men to exhibit emotion. Not here. Men don't cry.
Alright, Dean discovers that he has a bad principle on his belief window. How does he know that he's got a bad principle on his belief window? Well, his attorney's fees are astronomical. Something is not working. Now, understand this fact. Before any of Dean's behavior will change, what has to change first? The principle on the belief window has to change or the behavior will never change. He's discovered men are better than women isn't working for him. He must find an alternative principle. You give me an alternative principle to men are better than women. Women are better than men.
Let's pretend Leslie has that principle on her belief window. Is she going to ask Dean to vacuum the house? Nope. "Do it, idiot. Have it done before I get home. Have you got that?" Now, we've got to ask the question. Will the results of Leslie's behavior meet her needs over time? Yes or no? No. We just found two bad principles. What principle will likely work? Men and women are equal. If Dean gets that principle on his belief window, will it alter his behavior? Yes, it will. Now, on a Saturday morning, Leslie says, "I've got a lot of errands to run today, Dean. Will you vacuum the house while I'm gone?" What behavior pattern will we now see? "Love to do it. Where is it? How do you turn it on?" Now, we're going to have to send Dean to vacuum cleaner's school, but there's going to be a whole new set of behavior because he's functioning from a new principle on a belief window.
Ladies and gentlemen, not only do individuals have belief windows, groups have belief windows. Neighborhoods have belief windows. Nations have them. Companies, corporations, divisions within corporations have them. Do you remember how the chemists and the physicists on the east coast initially reacted to cold fusion from Utah? The first thing they did was buy a map. Where's Utah? The initial reaction was, can anything good come out of the University of Utah? It turned out they were right. It's a joke.
Groups have belief windows. Go back to your notes really fast. Take a look quickly at the third natural law. "Growth is the process of changing principles on your belief window." Look at number four. "Addiction is the result of deep and unmet needs." I wish we had two hours to spend on that one. Why do a lot of our young people do the dumb stuff they do? They are trying to meet needs, powerful, driving, consuming needs. If they put principles on their belief windows, the drive behavior that works short-term and destroys long-term, will they continue to do it? The answer is yes, a lot of them will, unless they decide to take control of this thing and that's what we'll talk about here in just a minute. A lot of adults do the same dumb stuff. Same reason. We're trying to meet the same needs. If we get bad principles on our belief window, it will cause dysfunctional behavior that ultimately will destroy.
Look at number five. "If your self worth is dependent on anything external, you are in big trouble." We put some very interesting things on our belief windows. Ladies and gentlemen, consider a couple of these principles. You give me the extreme behavior these principles could drive. Listen to this one. My self worth is dependent on the size of my waist. Do you know anybody that has that principle on their belief window? What's the extreme behavior that principle could drive? At the high school my kids went to in Utah, there was a woman's drill team that showed up at 5:30 a.m. every morning. There were 50 young ladies, high school juniors and seniors and they were a nationally ranked drill team. They would weigh every young woman every morning. If they were three ounces overweight, they were thrown off the team. There were nine anorexic students on that team. They don't do that anymore.
My self worth is dependent on my job and it has to be a white-collar job. The fact that I am magnificent with my hands doesn't matter. Somewhere I picked up that I've got to carry a briefcase like everybody else in my class. Am I making sense here? Four years ago in Boston, I met a man who was an attorney. He was the fifth generation of attorneys in his family in Boston. If you were a male baby in that home, you were an attorney. He hated being an attorney. Two weeks after he went through this experience, he approached his wife and said, "You know what? My needs are not being met by being an attorney. You know what I want to do? I want to teach music at Boston College." What do you think his wife said? "Have you lost your mind?" He said, "If I make this major career move at this point in life, will you still love me?" She said, "Of course, I'll still love you. I'll miss you." The guy made the change. He's teaching music at Boston College. He cut his income by a factor of eight. But, he's happier than he's ever been in his life. Is that possible?
We've had some interesting things on our belief window about money. When the results of your behavior do meet your needs over time, you experience inner peace. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where the concepts we teach at Franklin come together. If you've had the opportunity of going to our Time Management Seminar that we now do all over the world, you'll remember the central theme of that seminar was the acquisition and maintenance of inner peace.
This stuns people when they first come to that seminar. "I thought I was going to learn a to-do list." Well, yes, we'll show you how to do that. But, why do you want to be more productive? Why do you want to be more organized? Because you want peace in your life. I get tired of people saying to me they wished they lived 100 years ago when they had more time. The only difference between 100 years ago and now is that we have more options. Why? Because we do stuff faster. We have computers and airplanes. If my grandfather missed his train, it was no big deal. He'd wait until the next day. If my father missed a plane, it was no big deal. He'd wait six hours and catch the next airplane. If I miss one section of a revolving door, I go nuts.
Why is that? We do stuff faster, but that doesn't mean we're more productive. We're busier than heck. Busy has nothing to do with productive. Do you buy that? Peace comes when we get control of the things that really matter. The reason our Time Management Seminar works is because we've identified the basic principles of human productivity. The interesting thing about those principles is that they are 6,000 years old. There's not a new idea in our seminar. There's not a new idea in my book, Ten Natural Laws of Time and Life Management.
There's not a new idea in my book. The principles that make a human being a great human being have not changed for 6,000 years. Every generation has to rediscover those principles, reimplement them in their lives. That's all we teach in our Franklin Time Management Seminars and that's what everybody is after. I've done a lot of seminars. I'll pick somebody out and ask them why they came to this class. I get the same answer first always. "I want to be more productive." Why? Because their boss is sitting right next to them. Why do you want to be more productive? "I want to get more stuff done." Why do you want to get more stuff done? "Well, I can go home earlier." Why do you want to go home earlier? By the time I've asked the questions five times, I always get the same answer. "I'm in this class because I want to feel better." Being in control feels better than being out of control. Would you buy that? That's what we teach.
The seventh natural law is that "the mind naturally seeks harmony when presented with two opposing principles." Come back to Dean. We presented Dean with two opposing principles, men are better than women and men and women are equal. Which one will he likely flow to? The one that is going to work. We tend to go to the one that will work.
Is anybody from Philadelphia? Are you familiar with north Philadelphia? North Philadelphia is one of the most dangerous ghettos in this country. We adopted a school in north Philadelphia about seven years ago. It's an all-black high school and a very dangerous ghetto. It's called the Ben Franklin High School. Five years ago, they asked me to come and speak to the juniors and seniors of the Ben Franklin High School. They wouldn't let me drive myself into the ghetto and taxi cabs don't go into that ghetto, so I was escorted in two police squad cars. They locked the doors on the inside of that school every day with chains to keep the drug pushers out. Norman Spencer, the principal of that school, who I believe is a saint, took me into the auditorium where I spoke to 900 kids for two hours. I'm the only the white person in about 38 blocks.
I had the model on a big screen. Ninety minutes into this, I walked out into the auditorium and walked up to a kid sitting on the aisle. He stood up to me as I confronted him. I said to him, "Suppose you lived in a neighborhood where on the neighborhood belief window was the principle, all blacks are stupid?" It got real quiet. This kid looked at me and said, "All blacks aren't stupid." I said, "I didn't say they were. I said suppose you lived in a neighborhood where on the neighborhood belief window was the principle all blacks are stupid?" It took me four times. When he finally realized what was happening and, I will
never forget this, he said, "I live in a neighborhood like that." I asked, "How much fun is that?" He answered, "It's no fun."
All of our prejudgements, prejudices, are principles on belief windows. Are they not? All blacks are stupid, all Hispanics are stupid, all people from athletic departments are really strange. Those principles can drive behavior that can be very painful, can it not? If that behavior is ever going to change in this country, what has to change first? The principle on the belief window has to change first. Maybe all blacks aren't stupid. Maybe all Hispanics aren't stupid. Maybe all people from athletic departments aren't really strange. Probably are, but maybe they're not.
I grew up in Honolulu. It never occurred to me to be prejudiced. Why? I was one of five white kids in a class of 60 nonwhite kids. I was a center on the basketball team because I was about two feet taller than anybody else on my team. I had to come to the mainland to discover that prejudice is alive and well.
How do we use this in a very practical way? There are six steps. This is how we use this model and I will tell you that you can use this very effectively to change behavior for better kinds of reasons. Step number one, identify the behavior patterns. Why do we start with behavior? Look at the models. It's the only part of the model you can see. I'll tell you a neat experience. I go to the point of the mountain in Utah about every eight months. The point of the mountain is the Utah State Penitentiary. There are 90 convicts there that I work with. It's kind of neat. They're always there. They wait for me.
We were 90 minutes into this and we had the model on the blackboard. I said, "You guys are in here because you exhibited some behavior that got you into this place, right? Is that behavior meeting your needs over time? You guys want to talk about time?" They did not want to talk about time. I said, "if you guys get out of this place, what's the probability of coming back?" They all come back which means, what didn't change? Our behavior didn't change. Deeper than that, what didn't change? Our belief window. I asked, "Do you guys want to get out of here and stay out? What do you have to do surgery on while you're here?" "We've got to change our belief window." A guy came up to me with tears coming down his cheeks. He shook my hand and said, "Hyrum, you've given me the key on how I'm going to get out of here tonight." I wasn't sure how to take that.
Number two, second step, identify possible principles driving the behavior. Now, I use the word possible because we're not going to become psychologists. I am no psychologist. How do we do number two? We start asking the question why? You're asking why the behavior. Understand this very important fact. The answer to the question, why, always surfaces in the form of a principle on a belief window. Your 10-year-old son punches out his eight-year-old sister every day about four o'clock. Ask him why. Why do you do that? Listen to the response, because she's ugly. Well, now you know, he's got a principle on his belief window. It's okay to punch out little sisters.
Go to step three, predict future behavior based on those principles. Do you think we could predict Dean's behavior knowing he had a principle on his belief window, men are better than women? Do you think we could predict how he'd raise little girls in his home? Suppose Dean chooses not to change that principle on his belief window. He shows up for work tomorrow and his new boss is a woman. Has he got a problem? Has she got a problem? Short term.
This is a wonderful model to study history with. Do we know what Adolph Hitler had on his belief window? We know. How did we know? He wrote a book. He told us. Could we have predicted his behavior knowing what he had on his belief window? A lot of people did. It was so ugly, no one would believe it for a lot of years. One of the principles on Hitler's belief window was this, the races are graded. There're the highest race and the lowest races. What was the highest race for Adolph Hitler? The Aryan race. The lowest races were the Jews and blacks. Could we predict his behavior knowing he believed that? Did the behavior meet his needs over time? How long did the thousand-year rash last? Thirteen years, 50 million lives because of a screwed up belief window.
Do we know what Tom Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin had on their belief windows? We know. How do we know? They wrote them down. We've got Constitutions, letters, etc. Do we know what's on Bill Clinton's belief window? We haven't the foggiest idea.
I'm sorry. It just slips out. It's kind of interesting to think about though.
Do you know what I think Richard Nixon had on his belief window? In my opinion, I think he had this principle on his belief window, the president is above the law. I think he believed that. If that's true, that's a correct principle. Then Alderman comes in the middle of a very busy day and says we've got a problem at Watergate. Nixon would say, "Fix it man, I'm busy." That's about how long it took to make a decision at the top of the White House.
Do we know what Gary Hart had on his belief window. Variety. It's interesting to study history with this model.
The fourth step is to identify alternative principles. Step number five is, predict future behavior based on the new principles. The sixth and final step is, compare steps three and five. Which set of predicted behavior makes the most sense? Kids pick up on this so fast, you would be amazed. We adopted another school in Salt Lake City which is an at-risk school called the Redwood Elementary School. These kids show up, some of them don't have shoes or coats. It is a tough area. So, we adopted this school and it's been a neat experience. About eight weeks ago, I went down to the school and spent two hours with the fifth and sixth graders. I beat this model into their brains. They had this page that you've got in front of you. I made them takes the notes and hammered them for two hours. I walked away from that experience and wondered if these kids got this. I was discouraged, quite frankly. Two weeks later, I'm a service station which is between the school and my firm. I'm putting gas in my car and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a Polynesian kid comes out and says, "Hey, is that going to meet your needs over time?" I kissed that kid and asked him, "Where did you come from?" That kid got it.
The neat thing about this model is that it is a visual representation of what's going on anyway. Look at it. Every person in this room has those four needs. You've got principles all over your belief windows and you've got rules all set up and you're functioning based on those principles. I will tell you, there's not a person in this room who hasn't experienced pain, is experiencing pain, or is about to experience pain. Are you excited? The reason for the pain is the behavior that is being driven by dysfunctional principles on a belief window.
A great man in my life said on one occasion, "Teach them correct principles and they will govern themselves." What are we trying to do in our college experience? Get principles on the belief windows that will take kids out into the world so they can survive. The principles that help people survive in the world haven't changed for six thousand years. Are they getting them in your institutions? Are they getting them as they go through your athletic programs? Some of the greatest principles I've internalized in my life I got from coaches. Isn't that true? It's true in every kid's life.
I have a son who is 21. About eight years ago my wife said to me, "Hyrum, if I'm going to live alone anyway, why don't you let me live where I'd like to live?" My wife is from St. George, Utah, which is about 100 miles from where we sit. So, we moved to St. George about eight years ago, which was a marriage maintenance program. I have a 312-mile commute from my house to my office. Anyway, we got to St. George. My son was a junior at Dixie High School. Every time he would shoot a ball in a basketball game and miss, he'd stop shooting for the rest of the game. He was the best shot on the team, but he'd stop shooting. If he ran into one of the opposing team members during the game, he'd back off. He'd stop being aggressive. If he got bad grades in school, this kid got really ugly. This was my son's behavior.
My son understands this model. Why? I burned it into his brain, tattooed it to his right hip. You can be very confrontive about attacking somebody's belief window because you're not attacking them, the human being. Am I making sense here? This is very big. You're attacking something they can fix. "Im okay, Dad." "Yeah, right, I love you kid, but you've got one screwed up belief window and we're going to do surgery on that." So, I sat down with my son on a Sunday morning. I wanted to share some behavior with him that I've been observing and then identify some possible principles driving that behavior. "Sure, Dad, what's the problem?" I said, "Son, here's your behavior. Every time you shoot a ball and miss, you stop shooting for the rest of the game. You've got the best 18-foot shot on the team, kid, but you stop shooting. You run into one of the other team members and you stop going after the ball. You get a bad grade in school, kid, I'll tell you what, I'd rather be in Las Vegas because you get really ugly when you get bad grades in school."
I then went to step two and started asking the question, why? Why do you stop shooting? Why do you back off? Why do you get so ugly when you get bad grades? Now, this didn't happen fast. I got all kinds of weird principles on this kid's belief window. But, you know what, your gut tells you when you get to the big one. Twenty five minutes into this, my son sat there in a very reflective mood. He said, "Dad, I think you need to understand that I am really afraid of failing." A big red flag went up in my brain. I said, "Joseph, I think we just found a principle on your belief window and that is, failure is bad. Where did you get a principle like that?" Where did he get it? From his dad. He immediately got emotional, and said, "Come on, Dad, you don't know anything about failure." I said, "What do you mean, I don't know anything about failure?" The kid is now shaking and said, "You can't even spell failure. You go all over the world giving talks and everybody thinks you're terrific. You've got 4,000 people working for you up there. You don't know anything about failure."
I said, "Listen kid, let me tell you about my failure." I then spent 90 minutes detailing my personal failures. Five major financial disasters. I made the mistake of telling him about my grades in school. I recommend that you don't do that, but I did that. As I went through my list of personal failures, he became laid back across two chairs. Failure is a part of growth.
Two days later, I watched him play in another basketball game. He started shooting when he shouldn't shoot. He was lobbing 40-foot shots. He started enjoying hurting the other team. The coach had to pull him out of the game. The coach said, "You're an animal kid. What happened to you?" He came home one day with a "D" on an exam, triumphant. "Hey Dad, have you ever seen one of those?" I had. We had to have a whole new conversation about principles on belief windows in grades. The neat thing was that the minute he got a new principle on his belief window about failure, a lot of pain went out of his life. How many kids in our culture do you think have that principle on their belief window about failure? When do we start teaching our kids that it's not okay to fail?
The corporate training budget in America is 65 billion dollars a year. Why? They're not getting something in our education process. Wouldn't it be neat if you could play a role of getting principles on the belief windows of the kids for whom you have responsibility? You know what. You've got responsibilities for hundreds of thousands of kids. If you want peace in your life and a clean slate of principles on your belief window, principles go back a very long way, peace is a wonderful thing to have. Clean up your belief windows.
Thank you very much for letting me be a part of your program.
Hyrum, I think our belief window would indicate that the Franklin Company has great leadership and has a great future. On behalf of NACDA, I would like to present you with a small token of our appreciation for being here with us and look forward to a great relationship with your company.
By the way, we do public seminars in over 200 cities. We would like to invite any of you that have not gone to our seminar to come as our guest. Stop by our booth and we can set that up for you. It would be complimentary for the athletic directors of America.